A breath of air from God

Happy Chinese "Niu" Year!

2009-01-24T18:34:00.000-08:00

Many unfortunate things occurred in the rat year 2008 such as economic crisis, revolutions, terrorists' attacks, and many ups and downs of life etc. I wish that everyone has a fruitful and prosperous year in this ox year, chasing all "mei yun" away with its large horns. Let's just learn to complain less and hope for the better... :) In fact, Singaporeans are really very fortunate compared to many people around the world. When you are distressed, walk slower and stop once a while to admire the beautiful scenery around you - the dew on leaves, the birds chirping on the trees (and I just realised that I kept seeing squirrels on trees nowadays which I normally don't), the flowers dancing as the wind blows, and the sound of the water flowing in the drains etc etc. The path that you always walk will never be the same again. Trust me. :)

Bless you all,
Spiderlily

My recent life

2009-01-17T06:34:00.001-08:00

I have not been blogging lately as I have been rather busy coping with many things.

First, I was coping with my own relationship problem. I had to be harsh and cruel to say "NO" all the time since I have already made up my mind. Sigh... I am going to sell the house and sign the separation deed very soon. It's all over between us and I hope he can move on quickly. His friends and family hate me, I guess. "Face" is not important to me anymore so long as I am leading a good, comfortable and happy life.

Second, I was busy coping with work. Although I have some really blur and talkative P1 pupils whom make me want to strangle them (just kidding!), many of them are pretty adorable and smart. I am going to participate in the school's Chinese New Year celebration programme "Fashion Walk" on next Wednesday. I have selected a pretty caucasian girl in my class to walk on the stage with me in our nice cheongsam. I just bought a navy blue cheongsam which fits me perfectly. :) So happy. Whenever my ex-students see me in school, they will run to me and greet me happily. Once, when I was at the hall after the P3 recess to take a P3 class for relief lesson, a large group of them shouted my name while seated in the hall and waved profusely at me. So embarrassing but I was happy X 2. A few of them peeped at me outside my classroom when they happened to walk past. Naughty kids. :)

Third, I was coping with family problems. Since I need to move back to my parents' house, I need a place to sleep. Unfortunately, my sister and her hubby need to sleep at my parents' house too as they are facing family problems too at my brother-in-law's house. I have to endure the constant nags from my mum. Faint man. On top of that, the living room is the only place I could retire at night. Faint X 2. Even so, I feel extremely happy with my life now as I can get to see my precious dogs everyday and I don't have to face the four walls at home. I fear loneliness. Most importantly, I have my freedom once again. Remarry again? Not sure, really. :P

Dear friends, if you are reading my blog now, don't be too worried about me. I will continue to lead my life meaningfully and pursue real love.

Happy Spiderlily

Batam Retreat

2008-12-11T20:21:00.000-08:00

I haven't been blogging lately as I was pretty bothered with some issues at home and personal relationship. My decision is final. No one can ever change my mind now despite the harshness I faced from my parents. Instead of helping me, they are actually giving me more problems. Touch your heart and ask yourself. If someone ever treats you nicely and sincerely, you can literally feel it undoubtedly. Likewise, in a more straight-forward fashion, if someone ever ill-treats you, either verbally or physically, you'll see it with your own eyes. My heart is not made of rock. I do feel miserable having to upset people around me but I know I need to be focussed and decisive as I'm responsible for my own future, happiness and well-being. I don't LIVE for others. I Live for myself.

My recent trip to Batam was indeed a refreshing and enjoyable one. The serenity of the place makes me feel peace and comfort.

I hope there are more trips like this to come in future during school or public holidays.

PS: I hate to be lonely and feel unloved.

Cheerful Spiderlily

My first LV bag

2008-12-03T20:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had a nice shopping spree with Shanthini, my best NIE ex-classmate. We bought the same perfume and additionally, I bought a gorgeous LV pouch that I have always been yearning for. It is my very first branded bag I bought myself. It costs around $600. My first branded bag is from Burberry and the cost was shared between my ex and I many years ago. Before that, we had a hearty lunch at Fish&Co at Heeren together with Shaiful, another crazy NIE guy. We had so much fun talking about our 5mths of teaching experience and brainstorming some gatecrashing tactics. We came out with really crazy ideas to make Shan's wedding a really memorable one. I would be her "jie mei" and trust me I am going to give those body builders a really "fantastic" time man. Haha... Oh just in case you don't get it, her hubby-to-be is a personal trainer at California Fitness, so you would expect his brothers to be his fellow colleagues too. Hmm... probably I will make them lick the mayonaise or Wasabe from each other's "breasts". WA HA HA HA HA... If Shan's hubby is reading this blog, hold back ok. "Fang Ma Guo Lai".. Let your horses come man. I am not afraid. :)

Cheeky Spiderlily

Self-Indulgence... $$$...

2008-12-01T01:19:00.000-08:00

This morning I went to Bukit Batok Hilltop CSC club for a body scrub and massage that cost only around $70. Considered quite cheap as the service is rather good. They served me nice ginger tea and gingko dessert before and after treatment respectively. Tomorrow I shall go for a nice relaxing facial accompanied by a little bit of shoulder massage. Life can never be the same... heee... And some day later, i shall try the Brazillian waxing that I always wanted to.

Lively Spiderlily...

Sis Joy's ROM on 24th Nov 2008

2008-11-25T01:53:00.000-08:00

I was my elder sister's photographer yesterday. I am happy that she finally ties the knot. I'm sure she would have a very blissful marriage.

My sister and I are poles apart in terms of character and appearance. I am an extrovert, stubborn and daring person while my sister is the opposite. She is also easily contented and is a fairly simple person. If I were a man, I would probably choose to marry her too. Haha...

However, we do have some similarities. We have the same voice but she can't sing while I sing beautifully. Keke... She is beautiful inside, while me, outside. Wah wah wah... I'm sure alot of people gonna boo me or throw rotten eggs at me now.

I love my sister alot and I hope she can spend some of her time with me rather than cling to her hubby all the time. I love to hold her hands while we go out together. I love to tease her and correct her spoken English. Oops.. But still, I prefer speaking Singlish with her. Who cares?

Often times, I make her angry and we quarrel. I still remember the "good" old days:

1) We fought vigorously when we were around 10 years old and I ended up in the hospital. Although Mum scolded her for hurting me, she remained calm, but felt a little guilty. She didn't apologise to me at all. :P Bad Sis.

2) Around 10 years later, we quarrelled and fought violently again in the middle of the night. I pushed her to knock against the door and she pulled my hair. Ouch! We punched each other and our parents had to quickly pull us apart. They were taken aback at that time. I cried but she didn't. She was angry why she was responsible for so many things just because she is the eldest in the family. She was upset that she couldn't buy a house in future as her name was included in my parents' house. I provoked her further by saying nasty things to her and not trying to understand her feelings. Spank myself. Poor Sis. Now that she is married, she can't live together with her hubby for some reasons.

3) We SMS to scold each other for wearing each others' clothes, especially the new ones.

I love you, Sis Joy... I would want you to be my sister again if there is such a thing called reincarnation.

Spiderlily missed Sis Joy

Retrospection

2008-11-21T22:45:00.001-08:00

This morning I went to visit the Red Cross Home for the Disabled. I haven't visited them for quite a while ever since I graduated from NIE but I was surprised that many of them still remember me, especially Renson and Mui Mui shown in the respective pictures. Mui Mui's face instantly lightened up when she saw me from afar. She kept smiling at me and communicating with me by rolling her eyes and gesturing to me when I was feeding her with soup. She also saw my nice polished nails and signalled to me that she would like me to do manicure for her too. Well, I promised. :)

I feel that we don't have to aim to change the world which is rather impossible. Making a difference in at least one person's life is more than enough for me. I uphold the same philosophy in my teaching endeavours. I love all my pupils regardless of their inabilities or disabilities.

I missed the time when I had my pupils make sandwiches and write their very own recipe. They really enjoyed doing it. I don't have to tell them exactly what to do. They just did it autonomously and harmoniously with their group members. This is what teaching should be like, I thought. Agree? No more chalk-and-talk.

Lastly, I missed my last day being with my pupils and enjoying free milo drinks with them during the Speech and Prize-Giving day which was also the last day of school for this year.

Ahhhhh...... savouring the wonderful moments in the past..... really makes my day....

Happy Spiderlily

Immense challenges in Yr 2009

2008-11-18T03:46:00.000-08:00

Shocking news:
1) The daughter of my NIE lecturer would be put under my care next year. The latter is a caucasian PhD holder majoring in language studies such as English Language as first or second language.
2) I am also going to teach the daughter of my ex-colleague as well as co-operating teacher of Bukit Panjang Primary School.
3) One adorable caucasian girl is highly allergic to peanut butter and egg. Slight contact with these two things would cost her life. I need to be extra vigilant in dealing with her in class and educating my class about her condition in order to avoid having to give her a jab. *Touch wood!*
4) A highly eloquent group of children whose parents are highly educated, wealthy and demanding. Also, I would be handling a very diverse group of pupils coming from different cultures and nationalities such as a handful of foreigners in my class - Australian, Korean, Canadian, etc.
5) My encounter with twins again. Hmm... so many twins nowadays?

This profession seems to be getting more and more challenging for me. 2 parents asked me funny questions that I find them rather rude and sickening:
1) How long have you been in this school?
My answer: I just joined the school recently.
(Does it really matter?)

2) Are you a part-time teacher?
My answer: I'm a fully-fledged or full-time teacher.
(No such thing as part-time teacher. Only contract teachers, please.)

3) Do you have any teaching experience?
My answer: Yes, definitely.
(Teachers who have more than 10years of teaching experience may not necessary benefit the children alot. Sometimes, their teaching methodologies are outdated and they are normally not multi-taskers, fast workers or risk-takers. Young adventurous teachers generally have immense drive and are on the ball.)

I believe that they raised the questions because they either think that I am young which collocates with inexperience, are overly anxious about their child's learning or think that P1 teachers are generally lowly educated. What do you think?

Despite the immense challenges that I am going to face may stress me out constantly, I will continue to strive harder in giving my best to my pupils in inculcating moral and social values as well as achieving behavioural and academic excellence.

Spiderlily; A gung ho teacher

P1 Orientation

2008-11-17T06:31:00.000-08:00

I am beginning to get jitters now. Tomorrow is the P1 Orientation Day. The P1 little angels-turn-devil-to-be will be showing up in school soon. I wonder what their anxious parents would tell me and the "nonsense" I might face such as cries from the panicky kids. I still can't believe why my principal made that arrangement despite a face-to-face request made by my P2 student's parents to make me their child's form teacher again. Well, perhaps it's another God's will. I ought to be bold to face the challenges, I comforted myself.

Spiderlily.... awaiting for the next miracle...

Spiderlily is the magnifier

2008-11-13T02:33:00.000-08:00

" The only hug far too many children ever get is from a teacher." - Mike Moore

That's rather true, at least for me. This morning was our school's Thanksgiving and Promotion Day. My class was split into four different classes and next year they would be in P3. I hugged a majority of them before they left their P2Joy class (since some are really shy and dare not hug me... silly girls). Whilst talking and joking with them for the last time in our class as their form teacher, my eyes were unknowingly flooded with tears. I knew I couldn't bear to part with them as I was extremely proud of their achievements and pleased with their behaviour so far, although they sometimes either got on my nerves or made me feel like tearing my hair out. Nevertheless, I never regretted teaching them. They will always be my dearest pupils and I wish them all the best in this coming Yr2009. I could sense that they shared the same feelings based on their gloomy faces. They kept calling my name when they were directed to their new classes by another teacher. Silly girls... I am not leaving the school! They can still come to me whenever they face any problems cuz I will always be there for them.

This is a vocation that requires both nerves of steel and a tender heart. On top of that, you need to be oxymoronic - to display cruel kindness - scold & praise; nag & encourage, etc. It's also a fishing game. If the fishing line is taut, they would avoid you. On the other hand, if the fishing line is too slack, they would climb over your head.

I told a friend recently that I seemed to be aimless currently and thought that I have lost my bearings. I was told that I was already in it, i.e. to give my best to all my pupils always. How cool.

Spiderlily needs a magnifier, not a compass.

Suay day!

2008-11-10T01:46:00.000-08:00

What an unlucky day! First, I had a sore eye. Then, a student came to tell me she is not going to perform for Speech and Prize-giving Day on Friday. I had already keyed into the report card and there is nothing I could do to undo the changes! Agghhhh.... I am sure to be scolded by my supervisor again. After that, I spilt water over my school laptop. It became dead and nothing electronic could be done. This is a digital era, mind you! I feel so naked and handicapped without it. My table suddenly looks strange and "empty". Worst of all, I had to submit a file urgently which I saved into my harddisk drive! What shall I do?! Well, redo the whole thing, of course! Thank God I have a helpful and kind colleague to help me look after my students during remedial class today so that I could focus on my task and managed to send the file to another colleague. Now, I only pray hard that I do not need to pay for the damage and on top of that, a replacement could be done straight away. Hee... Tomorrow onwards would be lucky for me.

Lucky Spiderlily always... *huat ah!*

Stop spilling milk

2008-11-06T04:59:00.000-08:00

I hate it when people do not treasure something when it is just right in front of them. Then, when it is gone, they would cry over spilt milk. What is the rationale? Are unattainable things more precious? Hmm... I shall raise the price of my beansprouts from today onwards.

(Dao Gey Ki Ge - Holkien).

Bad news today. I never ever dream of teaching the P1 kids cuz I couldn't stand their childishness. :P The P1 orientation is simply crazy! The principal wants the P1 teachers to educate and demonstrate to the pupils how to use toilets properly. Who wants to demo for me? Any takers? Keke... Anticipating for another miracle in my teaching endeavour... :)

Expensive Spiderlily

Obama, I salute you...

2008-11-05T04:38:00.000-08:00

I was glad to hear that Barack Hussein Obama became the incumbent president-elect of the United States of America. Being the first African-American president, I am sure he is aware of the impending challenges and danger that he is going to face. The KKK must be pissed and I foresee that this supposedly great news which has made millions of people tear with joy might just turn out to be the worst nightmare or disaster ever. Deep in my heart, I cast my vote for Obama too as I hope he could just put a full-stop to the prevailing racial discrimination/prejudice all over the world. We are one people. Every part of our human body is similar except our skin colour. Who says black is bad? Whose logic is that?

In Singapore, we celebrate Racial Harmony Day and National Day to bring the different races together. However, are we really united or are we just pretending to be united? Sometimes we do things for the sake of doing it to please others. Do we treat our neighbours differently? Well, my Indian neighbour hates my family. I'm not too sure if it is because of our different skin colour or my crazy barky dogs. But I am quite certain that if a White goes into a shop with me, chances are the salesperson(s) will be more inclined to serve the former. Well, I experienced that before and it makes me sick. White = Rich and powerful? Nah. No more. Erase that mentality if you still harbour that.

Spiderlily is reliving this truly unprecedented moment.

Remember your alma mater

2008-10-31T20:54:00.000-07:00

School term is ending soon. Oh my. Time zooms so quickly!

I felt so touched and grateful after receiving an email from my China student's father yesterday.

He was anxious and concerned that her daughter might not me under my care next year.

I assured him that many teachers in my school are just as professional and they may even provide more support for her daughter than me. I am not trying to be a hypocrite but I am seriously certain about that. I think I will miss my class and I want them to graduate from the school with pride and feel for their alma mater constantly when they grow up to be fine adults.

Rollercoaster

2008-10-30T04:58:00.000-07:00

I am really stuck and sandwiched. I don't know what I should do. Don't treat me so nice now cuz I am not sure if you really mean it. I am not confident. Just because you wanna stop divorce or you still have feelings for me? You know for sure I cannot stop dancing.

I remembered I burst out uncontrollably when I fought for my freedom that day. You saw it.

God, advise me, please. I am experiencing a rollercoaster in my life apparently and I don't know what to expect next as many things just happened so unexpectedly.

In class, I lost my smile and laughter. My pupils' faces look just as gloomy.

I wanna be the light that shines brilliantly and endlessly in everyone's life.

Creating hurt or misery is definitely not in my dictionary.

I will survive...

Spiderlily was stuck for words...

A surprise birthday gift from Bro

2008-10-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

This cosmetic pouch is a birthday gift from my younger brother, Michael. Although it only costs $7.50 (The price tag was not even removed and it was conveniently wrapped in a plastic bag that looked more like a cabbage! Oh man!), it costs more than a million to me unquestionably. My heart melted at that moment when I received the gift. He had never given me anything on my birthday before. I really appreciate his effort. I am not a person who aims for wonders and luxuries. In fact, I am easily contented even if I recieve a casual note written on a rough paper (just like what my pupils did) as long as it comes from a sincere heart. Thanks, Bro.

As I have mentioned before, I feel that the world treasures my birthday except one person. Even my students sang me birthday songs. Sometimes I can't understand why some guys don't see any significance in their partner's birthday. I personally look for sincerity, not materials, please. I remembered I broke up with my ex whom dated me for 5yrs just because he didn't celebrate my birthday with me. I don't feel treasured and hence, our relationship ended rather abruptly. He was so regretful that he cried for many days and nights. He also waited for hours at my house's void deck and tried his best to win me back. Why choose to decide so late? Why does he wanna miss the chance? In retrospect, I wonder what is wrong with the man I love(d)? I can be soft-hearted, however, if I have really made up my mind, just don't regret. The End.

Sigh... Speechless...

Spiderlily

Annulment

2008-10-25T02:07:00.000-07:00

Have not been blogging lately. It's not exactly because I am occupied with work but I just don't feel like sharing my life now.

He finally mentioned "divorce" and I accepted readily. To be more precise, we can just go for annulment of marriage so that we would not be labelled as divorcee. Moreover, we have not gone through customary. Well, I have about a month to consider.

We don't feel happy together and he has violent objections to my dance endeavour. Being together only brings unhappiness to both of us. We are still so young and we have such a long way to go. I do miss the time when we first got to know each other and the moments during our ROM. But everything is over and one has to let go and keep going.

My heart is not made of stone. I do feel sad too. This is not the outcome I desire. I hope people will understand one day. Even if they don't, I have no comments.

Happy Birthday to me...

2008-10-14T02:19:00.000-07:00

Today is my 27th birthday (Born on 14th October 1981).

I had a wonderful birthday celebration with my friends at Hello Bar (Ngee Ann Alumni) on last Saturday. Yes, only my good friends. We sang and drank. The place was fantastic as there were only youngsters like me around. NO ah pek smoking and disturbing girls around. Haha.
But I was completely satisfied and was extremely over the moon that I had too much alcoholic drinks that caused much trouble after that. My dress was torn the moment I lay flat on the sofa when I stepped into the house. My sister was shocked to see my pathetic state and covered a towel over me when I was sleeping like a corpse with my make up still on my face. Thanks, Sis Joy. Keke. When I woke up the next morning, I slipped and fell in the toilet, naked. In the end, I had bruises all over the right side of my body (Obviously, I landed on the right). Then, I had a serious hangover and vomited. I rested for the whole day and had to take a MC on the next day. I didn't regret what had happened to me cuz I really had so much fun with my friends. Yeah!

I was actually rather sad this morning as I heard a really sad news from a good friend of mine. She had STD because of her husband. She has two young children to take care of and her pay is so little. Her husband is such a jerk. He has been sleeping around with non-locals and owed the credit card company a huge sum. They just bought a new flat and my friend paid most of it. I do not know what I can say to make her feel better but I believe she is strong enough to cope with the situation. God, please embrace her with your love.

I wasn't in a good mood today actually. However, my dear students really made my day. The moment I stepped into the class, the whole class stood up and sang birthday songs for me (English followed by Chinese). They were so cute. Some came to my office just to say "Happy Birthday" to me. I felt so blessed. The whole world sent me their best wishes, except one person. God knows who and I have no comments about that. Expectations bring about disappointments so I can't be bothered. Life is so short. I should be like my friend. She told me this: "At this point of time, I just want to do things that would make me happy. Other things are not important anymore. Who cares?" It sets me thinking... Hmm... She's right. Enjoy my life to the fullest!

Birthday gal, Spiderlily

Super stress

2008-10-09T05:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I could hear my heart pounding very rapidly when I am in school.

Work is piling up as high as a mountain and I am constantly busy marking students' scripts and books even after work nowadays. Sometimes I tend to lose my patience easily towards a special student in my class when she is not paying her attention or staring aimlessly. I am really guilty about that and I am still learning to control myself at this stage. God will forgive me. Hee.. :)

I started to get very stiff neck and my shoulders were in great pain and discomfort recently.

Luckily, someone offered to massage my shoulders and neck for me yesterday notwithstanding his tiredness after work.

I think he changed the label in his handphone too after he has read my blog.

Keke... :0) He told me proudly. Haha.. Can't stand it. Should I say "Oh. Well Done. Keep it up"?

Nevertheless, I can see that he is now trying hard to please me.
We had a scrumptious meal last night even though he is rather broke this month.

We had chilli crabs - my all time favourite.

He has also been very initiative lately in helping me to carry my heavy loads.

Hmm.. Keep up the good work. :)

In fact, I am a woman who is easily touched and contented.

Deep inside my heart, I only hope he doesn't throw his temper at me again.

Thanks for everything. At least I have some peace now in the midst of my stressfulness.

Contented Spiderlily

*** The poorest man is a man without a dream***

Thank you.

A face like thunder...

2008-10-03T07:13:00.000-07:00

***Rumble of thunder*** BOOM!!!

As exams are nearing, all teachers' workload inevitably gets doubled. At this time, some of my students are still giving me more and more problems. Sometimes I can't help it but feel very impatient. This time, I was the one who rolled my eyes, not my pupils. These few days I have been ranting and raving at them frequently for being noisy and forgetting to bring or do their homework. I couldn't breathe.

After some soul-searching, I felt bad and so I asked my pupils if I was very fierce lately. I already knew what response they would give me but I guess I was just trying to seek their understanding. Deep inside my heart, I treat them just like my own children. Their liveliness and laughter are important as they can not only make my day, but also make my teaching career more worthwhile.

I have to keep reminding myself that they are only 8yrs old and I cannot expect them to have superb memory or be dilligent in every way. I should think about the good times we spent together more often such as our class party, they remained quiet after listening to my lame jokes, they roared in laughter after I teased them as well as obvious improvements in my lower-ability students' academic performance. My pupil who did not know a single word of English initially can write a short composition now. I am so proud of her. I wish that they will continue to work hard in doing well for their coming exams. I also pray that God will watch over them and grant them good health.

Poison teacher, Spiderlily

Volcanoes eruption

2008-09-30T07:22:00.000-07:00

Two volcanoes finally erupted in front of our loved ones, i.e., my parents.

The whole world may think that I am always the bully, the stubborn and unreasonable one. I am not trying to defend myself and blame him for everything, but definitely, I am also a victim! :-(
Just because I look fierce?

Fortunately, my parents saw his true colours. He yelled at me in front of them just now. This was not the only time and well, I lost count. Although I can see that he is already trying very hard to please me, I felt that he was doing it for a selfish motive, i.e., he is afraid that I will divorce him. He is afraid of losing face in front of others and losing everything - wife, money, and house. I can see that he did it not because he loves me, treasures me or is sincere towards me. For instance, whenever he calls me, he just wants to check on me, not because he is concerned about me. He wanted to take me home from my parents' place not because he dotes on me but was afraid that my mum will nag at him for not treating me good enough.

All the while, I bear tremendous grudges deep inside me. Why am I in this shit? Why did I marry a man like this? Why am I heavily in debt and not happy in the marriage? What wrong have I done to deserve such a treatment? O God, I have suffered enough all my life. When are you going to end my misery? I may look strong, but frankly I am just as weak as a wick.

I hate the feeling of bearing consequences.

Miserable wilted Spiderlily

Divorce

2008-09-26T04:25:00.000-07:00

Many couples file for divorce for thousands of reasons. Now, I can truly understand.

Before marriage:
1) He told me: "I will give you whatever you want."
2) He was angry cuz I rejected his offer of sending me home.
3) He would be gentle towards me and put some money in my wallet when he knew I was broke.
4) He was generous towards others and remained quiet even if I scratched his new car.
5) He shaved whenever he was with me.
6) He kissed me whenever he went off to work even though I was still sleeping soundly.

For his sweetness, I readily agreed to marry him. I thought his love was sincere and I felt he doted on me alot. I always wanted a man who could love me more than I do in order to have a blissful marriage as I had many failed relationships. Unfortunately, I was utterly wrong.

Sadly, after marriage, the opposite occurs:
1) He puts my name in his handphone as "Very Stubborn Idiot".
2) He was angry when I asked him to take me home as he thought I was wasting his petrol and time. However, he would pick his friend up to play mahjong without complaints.
3) He always shouts at me for the slightest issue and shows me his charcoal face.
4) He calls me just to check on me and often checks my HP without my permission. He is so rude, irritating and annoying. Since he doesn't trust me, why marry me?
5) I am heavily in debt because of the house and he makes no plans to help me settle any. He only knows how to push me to quickly settle it so that he won't lose face.
6) He wants me to accompany him to do what he likes - play mahjong and badminton. Has he done the same to me? Before he knew me, he already knew I am a dancer and I love to sing. I don't blame him for not making an effort to do what I truly like but it is unreasonable of him to stop me from doing them.
7) He doesn't help me carry my heavy load. He only stares at it.
8) He shows his disappointments blatantly when I refuse to go to his grandfather's house in Batu Pahat, Malaysia. But has he visited my relatives? NO! I had made a number of trips there already and was always bitten by the mosquitoes while he happily played mahjong! How maddening!
9) He always doesn't shave and that irks me. He is Osama's brother, I thought.
10) He finds me a nagger and stubborn girl. But then I won't nag at him for no reason.
11) He makes me a maid by washing his dishes, pots and doing household chores. He asked me to iron his shirt, knowing that I was busy marking my students' work. I marked till 1+a.m. and then had to iron his stupid shirt for him. He didn't thank me for what I did and never ever be concerned if I was tired.
12) I constantly have bad flu as I have a sensitive nose. Instead of sending me to see a doctor for a body check-up, he scolded me for relying on the strong flu medicine.
13) He stopped his kisses.
14) I didn't have the chance to drive his car anymore. But it's ok. I will get one myself next time.
............. etc etc. and the list goes on and on and on and on and on....................

I told myself. I don't need a man in order to stay happy. I am going to die one day and I just don't wish to live my life full of regrets. Be it happy or sad, life still goes on. I didn't like the label "divorce", neither "married" anyway... It seems that divorce is the only option and solution. I'm sorry.

Miserable Spiderlily

Wishing Denjz & Eunice; Bro Kean & Karen; and Chee Keong & Pei Fen a blissful marriage!

2008-09-21T03:36:00.001-07:00

So far I have attended 3 weddings in total this month. One of them was my 4th brother's wedding. I was his emcee but I think my Mandarin really sucks. No choice. That is the only intelligible language for everybody and I was the only person who could lend him a helping hand. Today is Denjz & Eunice's wedding. They really made my jaw drop. They did alot of creative things, and put in alot of effort and time in order to spice up their special day: a special MTV, a video clip featuring how Denjz proposed to Eunice, ti-kam games to sabotage the bridesmaids and bride, a love song sung by Denjz to his beloved wife, and many more. I was the green-eyed monster filled with envy at that time.

May God bless their marriage and life bountifully forever. I love you all.

Sad day...

2008-09-19T19:25:00.001-07:00

Last night on Friday (FYI, the dates of my blogs are incorrect), I attended an ex-colleague's wedding and I was so happy for this couple as they finally tied the knot after being together for about 5yrs. Many of my ex-colleagues from Panasonic were also present and I felt that the ambience resembled a D&D, rather than a wedding banquet. This couple is still working for Panasonic, so it is inevitable to see seats mainly occupied by the current and ex Panasonic staff. Actually, I was quite moody and unhappy at work before I went for the wedding dinner. However, I instantly regained my laughter and cheerfulness once I met up with them. We took photographs, chatted and did silly things like mixing alcoholic drinks with sauces garnished with a mushroom to replace a lemon for the groom. Oh, we are one group of mischievous adults. *Spanking ass*

Many of my female ex-colleagues who are around my age already have 2 children. Although they may not be academically successful like me, I can see bliss in their eyes. I feel so envious and happy for them that they have nice children and a good loving husband. Then when I look at myself, I wonder if I am happy with my life now. I got a good career, high salary and a big house, but I am not contented with my life. Something seems to be amiss and I think I roughly know what it is. In fact, I fear having children and I am not sure if I should take up a Masters Degree since I am already so busy with work and coping with my students' matters.

I feel so sorry for one of my students who was sexually abused by her cousin who suffers from autism. She is so bubbly and cheerful, yet she suffers from this misfortune. Her parents are also divorced and she has no sibling. At this young age, she has to make a police report about it and recall the terrible encounters. Knowing that she likes dogs but couldn't keep one at home, hence, to show my deepest love and concern, I have offered to invite her to my mum's house to see my female dog, Sasha. I believe she will like Sasha as the latter is sweet and gentle. Her son, Chelsea, is out of the picture as he is too temperamental and naughty. I hope that next Saturday's pet therapy session for her works. :)

Past moody Mdm Hoi; Present cheerful Spiderlily

教师节快樂

2008-08-31T19:44:00.000-07:00

Today marks the most significant day for all teachers, especially for myself. I have given more than 100% with no regrets, whilst expecting miracles from my students too. Life is all about dreams and I believe teachers make them come true. We shoulder heavy responsibilities in moulding Singapore's seedlings and preparing them to meet the impending challenges of the workforce/society. We also need to be an all-rounder: an entertainer, marker, singer, cleaner, challenger, performer, encourager, facilitator, artist, counsellor, nanny, singer, joker, etc..., infinite roles to undertake. A student wrote to me: You are my guiding light. You are the best teacher.
My heart liquefies forthwith...

许老师

Happy Teachers' Day

2008-08-30T07:48:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was the Teachers' Day early celebration in school. All teachers were loaded with so many gifts and cards from students including myself. I had to carry 3 big bags home. Wow! Kids are so rich nowadays.

I arranged a class party for my students and bought a mango cake for them. They also brought alot of snacks to school to share with one another. All of us had a wonderful time. But poor me. End up clearing their rubbish at the canteen. That's the reason why alot of teachers didn't want a class party although our principal agreed to let us hold it during curricula time. For me, I thought I only have two terms with my P2Joy class so we should all cherish every moment together despite the loads of troubles they have given me.

After our early school dismissal at 11am, we went to the NTU Alumni at Buona Vista. We had a wonderful time chatting and laughing uproariously during the dressing-up game. I was sabotaged to dress up too as they thought I looked photogenic when I dressed up for the theme, Nature. Although I lost the title "Miss Nature" to one of the teachers who had fake gigantic boobs made of balloons, I really enjoyed parading on the catwalk.

Last but not least, happy holidays to all teachers. I thought we really need to recharge ourselves, hence, I went for a full body massage this afternoon for only $50. Very cheap. :)

Refreshing SpiderLily...

Union on Friday

2008-08-23T21:07:00.000-07:00

I finally had the chance to go Union Square again on Friday. This time round, it's not entirely free for ladies anymore. I needed to pay $1! Haha.. So cheapskate, right? Union Square seems to be trying their very best to earn abit more money from us but having to pay $1 seems a little ridiculous to me as I need to queue so long just to pay a few pennies.

Nevertheless, I really missed dancing with my Salsa kakis. I loved the night dancing for 2hrs non-stop as I promised that I will be back home by 12am. I was the Cinderella for that night. :) Not to forget that it was the first time I put on fake eyelashes myself. Quite nice actually. :P

Despite the abrupt runaway, I enjoyed myself alot and had a good workout too. I have not been exercising for a long, long time. Not even cycling in the air before I sleep! Lazy, lazy Lily. Opps.

Hmm.. perhaps will go again 2 months later. It's good to go back to dance once in a while to recharge but going back often like what I used to do previously was not really "healthy", I thought.

Happy Spiderlily... One week holiday is coming soon! Yeah!

A visit to West Spring Secondary School

2008-08-15T19:13:00.000-07:00

I went to the West Spring Secondary School yesterday. Oh my! I missed my schooling days in my secondary school. Look at them! The teens are so vibrant and energetic.

I got my principal's consent to go to this display or marching band. This is my idea as I want to encourage our school's brass band to perform well for the next SYF competition as well as show them the difference between a concert band and a marching band. Although they attained silver for the recent SYF Outdoor competition this year, their journey was a gruelling one. They had to practise 5 times a week under the scorching sun and persevere through oranges thrown at them and threats by the residents who live near their school.

10yrs ago in Bukit Batok Secondary School, I was their military band's drum major. I had to train myself very hard to manipulate the heavy mace. There were many times I had to endure my tears as my male members did not show me respect as I was the first female drum major. Although my journey was tough and I nearly hit one of my members' head with my mace after throwing it in the air and was unskilful enough to catch it in time. Thankfully, my hard work paid off. I succeeded in performing with my mace, managing the band well and commanding respect.

A million thanks to the school for their hospitality and the opportunity to step into their premise. Not to forget the remarkable band's instructor, Mr Lim, as well as the teacher-in-charge, Mr Chang for their kind assistance.

Cannot tahan MOE's working efficiency anymore

2008-08-10T23:51:00.000-07:00

Wake up, MOE! Are you sleeping or what?

I am paid less for two months already! Not the diploma salary anymore ok.
I am in no mood to talk more now. Extremely disappointed in their working efficiency.
No wonder my friend resigned from HQ. Now I can understand.
Just have to wait for the next month and become a richer woman than usual. :)

Poor Lily.

Hiring a part-time maid

2008-08-09T18:50:00.000-07:00

Phew! No more tiring and killing household chores to do. I have hired a part-time maid to help me do it. Commencing today. Keke. :) Since my hubby has to work everyday, obviously he can't be sharing the workload with me. However, do not think I am shaking my legs at home, ok? I have the less tiring chores such as doing the laundry and wiping the things and tables at home etc., while my maid will only help me wipe the windows, vacuum and mop the floor as well as wash my toilets. She will only come once a week and I will be paying her $35 for 3hrs each time she comes. Worth it alright. :) Then, I can concentrate on planning a good lesson for next Wednesday's formal lesson observation by my supervisor who is the IT HOD. Yes. So kiasu. I am still so new to the school as well as my very own class. No choice. Nothing is fair in this world. I just have to learn to accept it. Happy belated birthday, Singapore.

Lazy Lily again...

A tiring house cleaning day

2008-08-03T01:35:00.000-07:00

What a tiring day! I did so many domestic chores today. Shack man!

I vacuumed and mopped the floor.
I scrubbed 2 toilets.
I wiped the kitchen table top, 3 study tables in my study room and dining table.
I cleaned the shoe rack and wardrobes.
I wiped the dust on the TV and TV console.
I poured Dettol, blocked the irritating ants' hole and massacred the pathetic ant colony in the kitchen.
I changed the bedsheets.
I washed and hung clothes, towels and bedsheets.
I washed the corridor outside my flat and threw away a dead cockroach that one idiot left in my drain. Frustrating.
I washed myself thoroughly in the end.

Gracious goodness! After a yummy birthday treat last night for my best friend, Zayn, together with both our hubbies, I thought I had exhausted all my calories. The lobster and crab meat in my stomach were vanished. Wow! Great work-out! But I still prefer to watch TV and shake legs at home.

Hee.. Lazy Lily.

"Chao bu shuang" today

2008-07-30T06:14:00.000-07:00

Things are back to normal in school. My class was supposed to perform on stage this afternoon. Unfortunately, we didn't. The classes before us took a long time to perform and school was over soon. The school bell rang and my poor girls gave me a puzzled look. I could see disappointments and anguish in their faces. To be honest, I felt equally "bu shuang" ok as I scolded them profusely for not being able to remember their standing positions and rolled my eyes at those who lost their script. Arghhh... just couldn't help it as many people would be watching and "kancheong spider" like me always strives for perfection. Sometimes I forget that they are only 8yrs old. Poor girls. Mdm Hoi is utterly sorry for blowing her top like a mad woman this afternoon.

Although I was informed that they would only perform during National Day celebration in school, I was not at all happy about it as we had spent time practising and we were treated as extras to fit in their schedule. Well, I guess that's life. Humans are imperfect and I just have to accept this fate.

Kids' doom's day

2008-07-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

From tomorrow onwards, life will be back to normal again in school. I was very sick of the rehearsals in the midst of lessons. So disruptive and irritating, you know. Fancy having students leave your class halfway. I can't do anything with half of my class present. Some students even made use of this opportunity to lie to their teachers that they have rehearsals and left the class on their own. Very ridiculously stupid and annoying. Luckily, they are not my students, otherwise they will be doomed. Thank God that all this nuisance is over. I have high expectations in my kids and I wish they can do well for their exams. For those students who keep on not submitting their homework, they will get it from me soon. No more excuses now! :)

From the poison teacher, Mdm Sylvia Lily Hoi.

Convo at last

2008-07-25T06:29:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my convocation, finally. I remembered how my parents sharply rebuked me for taking the degree programme 2yrs ago. They didn't think that girls should study or be superior than men. I didn't have the chance to go to a JC and therefore ended up in a polytechnic. Hence, I had to work hard to support myself as well as pay for my school fees. I couldn't apply for tuition grants as I didn't have my parents' consent in the first place. My study path is the toughest in my life....

Despite all the hardship, struggle, many tears and fears, here I am, proudly graduated with a Second Upper Honours In Bachelor of Arts (Education). In retrospect, I feel that I have grown up; to be stronger, braver, smarter and more appreciative of what God has given me. Without Him, I wouldn't have come this far. He granted me a scholarship of 1.5yrs of free study in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Furthermore, MOE sponsored my degree course and paid me allowances every semester. Most importantly, I have good friends around me to give me lots of support and encouragement that I really need. Even if I were to say a million thanks to you all, I feel it is still insufficient to express how grateful I was.

Nevertheless, I have the toughest mission on earth, i.e. to educate our young. At the same time, I am considering what I should do once I have completed my bond - to do my Masters or leave Singapore to teach the poor Thai children. I have 5yrs to make my decision. :)

Spreading diseases everywhere

2008-07-21T20:08:00.000-07:00

I am finally sick. I am down with high fever, serious sore throat and diarrhoea which might be caused by food poisoning since my immune system is so weak now.

I am starting to wonder if my new house's fengshui is poor as I tend to fall sick easily nowadays ever since I moved in.

But I don't look as gross as the girl in the picture, mind you. :)

Dear Friends, I will survive...

I am really grateful to all of you who really care alot for me. I really appreciate it.

Thank you so much. God bless you. May you be in the pink of health always!

Dream big

2008-06-28T17:24:00.000-07:00

To be frank, I have been undergoing tremendous stress and anxiety lately with regard to my new career. Perhaps I was too much of a perfectionist that I unnecessarily placed myself into a hell-hole. Fortunately, I made up my mind to gush out my fear to my VP. That was a bold step to make as many teachers would try their best to avoid verbalising their problems to their superiors. This is because they do not want to appear vulnerable or incapable in the eyes of their supervisors. For me, I was afraid I might fall into depression again just like when I was teaching in Bukit Panjang Primary School; I wasn't happy everyday and I hate stepping into school. Lately, I could feel the symptoms once again such as crying for no reason and suffering from insomnia.

When I was teaching in Bukit Panjang Primary School, there were alot of unnecessary responsibilities on the part of the teaching staff which include gate, recess as well as before and after school duties. I never had the chance to sit down for a meal during break time as there were lots of meetings. Even if I did, I had to gobble down my food within five minutes. At that time, I taught in the afternoon session and I had to give remedial lessons before school on every Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday mornings were our contact time (whole-school meeting) and the rest were CCA duties. What the hell? I had to work late every night to complete my markings and do my daily lesson plans at home. I missd interacting with my family members and dogs. I thought I was breathing alone back then.

I thought I was very fortunate to be posted to CHIJ (Our Lady Queen of Peace) despite the far distance from my new flat. I have supportive colleagues, lesser responsibilities (as those duties I mentioned were done by non-teaching staff) and fewer periods to teach. My VP, Mdm Reddy, has been very kind to me. She lent me a listening ear to talk about all my pent up frustrations, personal problems and fears. What touched me was that she gave me her assurance that I could do my job excellently based on her experience of monitoring her staff. She said she was not faking the encouragement just to make me feel better. At that time, my eyes were filled with tears. I suddenly felt empowerment, blood flowing hastily within my body and I knew I have regained my self-confidence instantly.

You may think that I'm silly to be too apprehensive about my work when I am just a newbie. I was even nicknamed Ganjong Spider by my lovely colleagues. Gracious goodness. God loves you, so do I. :P Haha. Well, teaching is never just a profession to me. I take it really seriously. Deep inside my heart, teaching is a vocation and an avenue to show my compassion for less fortunate children, especially the little girls with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and Dispraxia in my class now. Many of them, even if they are super rich, are deprived of love and joy in their lives. I aim to be the children's shinning star in the midst of their darkness. I want to be the fresh new plant everyday despite the drastic conditions in the long run.

"Life is about dreams, a Teacher makes them come true..." - unknown.

Tired X infinity

2008-06-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

One little girl from China just came to Singapore to join my class starting this semester. English is completely alien or sounds much like Spanish to her. Oh dear, I don't know how she can cope. I can understand that she is facing alot of pressure now as things are moving pretty fast and her ability is worse than any nursery student in Singapore. However, she is well-versed in Chinese. My translation sucks but fortunately she could understand and corrected me at the same time. Cool. :)

In my heart, although she could be a nuisance, an eyesore or a hindrance that makes any teacher's life busier, I wish she can benefit much from me and loves schooling eventually.

Whatever I said above may sound rather incohesive or incoherent. This is because I'm seriously tired and my mind is not working very well. Please pardon me for this.

I need plenty of rest now. Tomorrow is a better day for all. Good night folks.

Welcome to the lovely 2 Joy's classroom...

2008-06-21T17:36:00.000-07:00

White lacy curtains with pink silky ribbons like what I mentioned in the previous entry... Aren't they fantastic? They brighten up my day and I hope my pupils share my sentiments.

I purposely shifted the tables and chairs nearer to the front so that they can have a clearer view. I hate straining my eyes too.
This is the cozy reading corner I mentioned. The shelfs on the left are for pupils to keep their shoes before they start to read. You know, they tend to lose their things very often! Thank God for the provision of nice furniture, books and facilities like computers in the classroom for pupils. I only bought the colourful numbered floor cushions. :)

For teachers who might chance upon this blog, I hope I have provided you inspiration on how you can make our learning environment look just like our pupils' home.

Who am I?

2008-06-19T00:43:00.000-07:00

These are the interesting quizzes I have done. Not really accurate actually. :)

You Are Definitely a Hot Chick

While your little black book isn't as thick as Paris Hilton's...
You get the most dates of any girl you know
It's your whole five star package that attracts men -
Your looks, your charm, and your ability tie a cherry with your tongue.

You Are Chardonnay

Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality.
You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex.
You have a little bit of something to offer everyone... no wonder you're so popular.
Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!).

Deep down you are: Dependable and modest

Your partying style: Understated and polite

Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat.

Your Birthdate: October 14

People wouldn't take you for a passionate person - and that's where they'd be wrong.
You can develop deep emotions quickly, and you're the type most likely to move in with someone after a few dates.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 6

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 3

You are most compatible with people born on the 5th, 14th, and 23rd of the month.

A tiring classroom deco day...

2008-06-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

Today is a tiring day. I hated myself for procrastinating tasks that should already be done as planned 3 weeks ago. Arghh..

Despite the delayed and incomplete tasks, I still feel great about my partially decorated classroom with pink cloths, white lacy curtains, and the creation of a nice cozy reading corner laden with cushions and story books for the children. Since it's a girls' school, I am quite sure my girls will love their newly designed classroom. Of course, the boys might puke, I guess! I wish to make them feel at home and want to come to school everyday to learn from a nice teacher like me. Hee... :P I wish to hear that they can't bear to leave school for holiday and look forward to school reopen soon. This is because, apparently, I heard too many parents complaining that their children either fear or refuse to step into the school. There is only one sole reason - the overtly austere, boring, unsympathetic, or hardhearted teacher. I feel that a good teacher can turn a boring subject into an entertaining and enriching one for his/her students. This is my first priority. I will surely upload images of my classroom one day once I have finished decorating it.

I still remember my 1 month teaching experience at Isaan, Thailand. The children, although very much deprived unlike some of the students in my school who have parents driving ferrari or jaguar, respect the teachers alot and are enthusiastic in learning English. Of course, our team's effort paid off as we worked extremely hard to get the students understand our language, and at the same time, connect with them personally. One student gave me her drawing of my portrait before i left. I was extremely touched. It meant alot to me as a teacher and foreign friend.

When can I fulfill my dreams? I want to teach overseas one day for at least 6 months. Sigh. I have to complete my 5 years bond with MOE first. Oh dear! I will be 32 by then! Sigh X 2.

My self-indulgence

2008-06-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

So far I have said so much painful stuff already. If I were to write one more today, then it would be three in a row. But what'd be the meaning of my life on this beautiful earth?

Hence, I feel today is a relaxing day for me. Yes! I enjoyed my self-indulgence such as window-shopping, snacking, facial etc. I am dying to have a good leg and body massage now!

I feel rather great today as I haven't been shopping for clothes for a long time already! I'm sure everyone will agree that one would feel like a king or queen to be able to possess spending power. Imagine. No salary for 2 years?! That seems almost like a nightmare to me! Thank God! Studies is over and I am back to work. But I need more working clothes as those in my wardrobe are pretty old and out-dated. Although I am working in an all girls' school, I still feel that one's appearance counts.

I love this blouse. It originates from Hong Kong. I managed to bargain abit. It costs S$25. Quite worth it. I like blouses and dresses that are simple, silky and sleek. This blouse will further enhance my femininity with the black laces on the round neck including the sleeves.

Oh dear. I spent way above my budget. But the feeling is still great! Most of the blouses I bought are from Osmose. I got their lifetime membership card. This means spending more again when the time comes. I have reserved 2 other blouses (both are pink) as I insisted on getting new pieces. I do not want to wear something that others have already tried on for umpteen times. Not even once. I didn't buy any bottom as I think the top is more important. Anyway I have more pants and skirts than blouses. I don't prefer buying too many dresses as I usually wear them for not more than 5 times. If I wear a dress too often, people might think I am McDonalds. :)

No matter what, this is the only Monday that I enjoyed. Not a Monday blue. Next week onwards is going to be madness for me. School reopen! Oh my!

Am I a tyrant and stubborn freak?

2008-06-15T05:56:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I knew I was stubborn. I refused to heed advices even if I know they will benefit me. Sometimes I didn't know why I purposely plunge into the hole when I already knew it was right in front of my face. Anyway, I don't think I'm alone.

Nevertheless, I have my own set of principles that some people may find it difficult to grasp. What happened in the late evening was not new to me. I confronted and challenged my uncle for being unreasonable - shielding his son (my ten-year-old cousin) for a mistake that he committed, and I, as a victim, was blamed instead! HUH??? Where is justice bao? I needed him badly at that moment.

Traditionally, I would have to abide by the Asian values - avoid scolding, talking back, or arguing with the elders. But what rubbish is this? All humans err including me and today's modern era permits free speech and rights. Well, I challenged reasonably, I thought. My sister said I was wrong to leave in a rage after flaring up. I am not welcome so why should I stay? Previously I had already endured him when he scolded me in an uncouth language. I hate to hide my feelings. Well, naturally, I burst out when the volcano in me was stimulated once again. He is not educated? Well, that's not a good reason to me. One who doesn't understand Hokkien might be able to distinguish what's friendly or not! He'd certainly reached the limit of my endurance and tolerance.

I will still forgive him but I need some time to adjust my feelings. Although he remained solemn and didn't dare to look at me when I scolded him right in front of his face, I knew I was hurt inside too. I held my tears. Life goes on...

Living in a world filled with pain

2008-06-13T07:14:00.000-07:00

Me, hiding in darkness.

But deep inside, I wish to shine for my kids.

My greatest enemy is still myself.

I love my school holidays at NIE now and never will it be the same after graduation.

I finally get a salary every month now but I missed the laughter and hugs from my NIE friends.

Life is so precious and full of surprises, yet hiterto unpredictable and vulnerable.